Chocolate Log

It turns out that some of us have lives when we are not wasting our time in chat rooms and we could be out riding. This new feature is an attempt to get you uncomfortably close to the people behind the pixels.

Step up the BOOFON.

Q: Your FULL name:

'Kevin David Holt'

Q. Why the chosen login name?

'It’s all do with hair. Basically, I was quite lazy at school age and I could never be bothered to do my hair in the mornings. I originally got nicknamed Elvis but that was a bit rubbish - so it got updated to Bouffant. It finally got changed and settled on Boofon because none of my friends were able to spell Bouffant in the correct way consistently.'

Q: Its my round, what can I get you?

'Normally I’d have whatever pint is the cheapest in the pub. As you would be buying, I’d probably ask you to get me the same as you were having, just to make it easier to remember at the bar. So long as you weren’t ordering cider or wine for yourself that is.'

Q: How do you pay for your nasty bike habit?

'I’m manager of daddy’s Letting Agency by day, and I also professionally clean the carpets of our empty houses, after dark.'

Q: If you had a daughter, WHICH forum member would you leave to look
after her for the weekend and take her swimming whilst you hit up the trails?

'Rob (Big L) because he has three already and I reckon he has had plenty of practise!!! Other than that it would be Dan, as the damn kid is probably his anyway.'

Q: If you had a daughter, WHO IS THE LAST forum member would you leave to look after her for the weekend and take her swimming whilst you hit up the trails?

'I’ve never met him but it would have to be Jason. Judging by his forum posts I reckon an hour or so with him and most people would be mentally scarred for life. Imagine what spending a whole weekend with him would do to you!'

Q: Is Hora a cunt?

'Yeah for sure! I’ve never met the guy in person, and maybe I’m doing him an injustice but fuck me, he comes across as a right wanker on here. Some of the stories probably don’t help paint a good picture, leaving fellow riders in need and shitting himself being the prime examples!
I really wish that forum users wouldn’t bite when he posts, maybe he would start acting normally if he didn’t get his winding up, attention seeking ways – however it’s probably already gone too far for that!'

Q: Have you ever paid for sex?

'No sir-ee. Not my bag in the slightest – unless you consider striking a deal with Lou for some new clothes :unsure: That’s more like swapsies than paying right?'

Q: Riding snack of choice?

'Usually cold meat of some kind, be it something left over from a barbie or even something bought from tescos/sainsburys. On occasions, this can result to being KFC left over from the night before. If neither of these choices are available Neutragrain or Go Ahead bars suffice.'

Q: You have caught the Aids and can only ride 3 UK spots again before you die.
Your top 3 please: (please be specific and name trails rather than places).

1. The Secret Spot in Kent
2. Herts Shore (private so no link)
3. Glentress Spooky Woods Trail (with an uplift and a slightly lighter bike if possible) more details via STW article

Q: Which living person do you most despise and why?

'President Robert Mugabe, for obvious reasons. The guy is a fucking cunt and I can’t believe he is still alive/running and ruining things. A close second is Paris Hilton because she is an utter waste of oxygen.'

Q: How many bikes do you own?

'There are three bikes in my garage.
Norco A-Line
Gary Fisher Bitter
Raleigh Lizard'

Q: You hit a Badger on a fast descent, it is seriously injured and makes a disturbing noise like a wining baby not usually associated with animals.
Do you:
a. Leave the fucker. You spent all day driving to get there and you not letting it spoil your day.
b. Remove your seat post and smite the beast as you don't want to see it suffer.
c. Gather the badger up in you arms and let it drink from your camel pack whilst you escort it to the vet, you can always ride another day.
d. If other... please explain:

'I’d like to think it would be (b) but I’d probably not be able to go through with the putting it out of it’s misery bit, and then I would have to ask someone else to twat it for me.'

Q: The worst biking injury so date, any pics?

'I’ve been pretty lucky so far (touch wood), it’s all the extra padding I have that helps break the fall. Just concussion, large scale bruising, a nail through my hand and two snapped off toenails. No pics I’m afraid, not that you really want to see pictures of my feet.'

Q: Do you have a phobia you would like to share?

'I would have to say that being immobile/paralysed is a pretty scary thought - that and loosing the ability to hear and see. Another phobia of mine is ending up old having regrets over something that I wanted to do but never got around to.'

Q: We all let our high standards slip on occasions so on the scale of 1 (mingin) - 10 (fit) what's the ugliest girl/boy you have ever slept with?

'I’ve been pretty fortunate to date and seem to have had the ability to punch above my weight. Having said that, I have been in long term relationships for most of my Mr Lover Lover life.'